Dedication, Commitment

Ahh, yes, the blog I was going to write in EVERY DAY for a year...

The only proper way to tip-toe back into this thing after a month-long hiatus is to comment on the idea itself. Because if I am honest, I can see that I fell off as soon as I started. So what gives?

The idea was to write every day. To be in a routine, like the newspaper that I read every morning or the push-ups/sit-ups that I do every night before bed.

Yeah right. I've almost constantly dreamed of having a constant work-out routine, fantasized about the strength I could gain, about the way I could look, but motivation comes in spurts. I watch a Michael Bay movie and run to crank out pull-ups. I watch an hour of YouTube break dancing and then do pushups until I'm panting and sticky and get distracted by "Hot Girl Dancing on Cam!"

And reading the newspaper every day? Oh man. I was all over that thing during the election. Now I'm just taking a couple days off. What? It's February?

I'm not a total douchebag: I arrive nearly on-time for all my cafe shifts and tutoring sessions, I agree to monogamy in emotionally-committed relationships, and I generally try to respect people that I meet. I uphold the law when it makes sense, and I try to take good care of myself. But this concept of "driving unwaveringly toward a distant goal" alludes me.

I'm reading "Dreams From my Father," and it is incredibly reassuring to hear President Obama talk of feeling lost, angry, and directionless. And yet in the midst of all that turmoil, he felt something that I also feel: a drive to do good things, help others, and effect positive change. I think he knows me. And I think that my lack of routine discipline will not ruin me. If I continue to look for ways to involve myself positively, sporadic as my motivation and action may be, I'll continue driving forward, waveringly, stumblingly, but alright.